If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
