yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
