In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
