We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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