i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
