I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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