I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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