just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
