At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
