Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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