so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
