Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you win again, gameday.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You pole danced in your parka.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
