Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
