you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
