It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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