I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drunk is not a location!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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