I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
