If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you win again, gameday.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
