Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
we made out on top of his cat.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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