Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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