this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't deserve a penis
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
