he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
