Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
