My cat gives me a boner
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have fence marks all over my body
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
