its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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