I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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