so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
