I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
now i know why i became what i already was.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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