do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
