I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
