We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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