If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
