I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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