mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm always down for nudity.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
