I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
