Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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