Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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