Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
