No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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