:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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