I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
