Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
