he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
