DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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