Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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