Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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