YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
