ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
