I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need a beard to bite.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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