Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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