Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
