he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
