I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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