he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
