can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
